A Little Thank You

My oldest sister has Aspergers. She's incredibly smart and totally amazing and, honestly, perfectly normal--high functioning and all that. But she was bullied all through school, even got stress-induced alopecia through junior high and high school (kids can be real jerks). But she wasn't diagnosed till far later in life--and, even then, only after doing some research on her own and then seeking out a doctor. Everyone just thought she was odd, she was being difficult, she was shy, she was aggressive, she was reactive, etc., etc., etc. So life was hard for her. And no one really knew why she couldn't 'make friends and influence people.'

Luckily for her, this digital age was booming.

People often make fun of video gamers, fan-fiction writers, even bloggers. People who need relationships online obviously can't make friends in real life and that's bad.  Wrong. My sister has been able to connect with so many people and grow in so many ways because of the Internet.

1. A little thing called WoW. Now, I'm never been into the gaming scene, wait my sister became obsessed, excitedly introducing me to her avatar and explaining everything she has to do to do whatever. I dunno, but she loved it. She made friends from it. Friends she has gotten to know outside the video game. When she found out some of her coworkers played too, she suddenly had something to talk about with them. And her interactions online, no matter how foreign to me, helped her figure out sociality outside of the game too.

Is this WOW? I'm not exactly sure. It may be another game, but this is her avatar.

2. Blogging. Yeah, my shy, supposedly socially awkward sister was the first in our family to have a blog. It started as a place to vent feelings and rant about all sorts of stuff, but eventually it blossomed into an opportunity for her to become aware of her personality. There was something freeing about being diagnosed--as she says it, she's different, not defective. And she used her website as a chance to challenge herself to try harder. She'd share goals and then explain how they went: talking to her boss, saying good morning to people she didn't like, looking people in the eye when she was talking to them.

3. Fan fiction. She is a huge writer. It's something she can organize and control, and she loves it. So she started this little HP fan fiction piece where Harry Potter has Aspergers. It has amassed a huge following and people are really behind the idea, commenting on how real it is, how it hoped so and so understand their cousin or neighbor who has Aspergers. It's all been a great boon in her life, not only to have that community but to have people react to her in such positive ways.

The "Cover Art" for her fan fiction

No longer is it bad news to have a "disability"--it can't even be called that. People have communities available to them everywhere and I think that's amazing. It's not taboo to talk about these things anymore. One of my favorite TV shows, Parenthood, features a young boy with Aspergers and his family's struggle to appreciate it. Things are getting exposure. They're being talked about. You don't have to be alone, you don't have to feel constantly misunderstood. My sister has been able to seek out safe havens for her to be herself--all thanks to the internet.

And, yes, some people spend too much time online. She had to give up WoW after coming out of a day long session realizing she'd forgotten to take her dog out and they'd done their business...everywhere. So moderation in all things. But at least allow for the possibility of what a positive and powerful influence technology can be. It connects people first and foremost--to information, to others. This age is a beautiful one and I think it's time parents stop fighting it and start exploring it both with an open mind and a positive outlook with their kids. You never know the good that can come from it--in all sorts of ways.

My sister is the funniest, sunniest person you could hope to meet. She's dry and sarcastic and, yeah, sometimes a little affronting. But she has this bright, loud guffaw that just gets you right in the heart: she knows how to love life. It's such a turn around from the angry, confused teenager who thought she was wrong, she was broken, she was worthless. It was only when she found her footing on the digital landscape that she realized how great she is. Yes, she has an online presence--a huge one compared to mine--but it is that online interactivity that has allowed her to enjoy more of life in person. She's one of my heroes, and I'm so grateful that technology has proven that to even more people.